Relationships

The Lessons I Learnt from Becoming Single in My 20's: 6 Months On

By April Kosky | Friday 13th April, 2018

When you’ve got to put yourself back together after a break up, it can take a while. It’s a different process for everyone - I know people who have been fine two weeks after a break up, and some who aren’t really fine 5 years later.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: emotional wounds are pretty similar to physical ones as both need time to heal. In the days, weeks and even first few months after my most recent break up, I thought I would never feel the same again. Thankfully, I’m all good now. But, and I’m not ashamed to admit it, it was a fucking struggle.

With the turn of spring, for me at least, a pretty big glimmer of hope came back into my life. Winter is a tough time to be single anyway, those cold dark nights seem even longer without someone to snuggle through them with. In spring, all the flowers come out, the daylight hours get longer, and everyone is way more fun. This spring has also bought for me the realisation that nothing is permanent.

Single-Clueless

If you’ve read my previous article, you might be aware that for a while, I was a total mess. Getting to where I am now has not been easy, and I’m not claiming to have the answers for all situations, but let me try and share some of the ‘wisdom’ I have garnered over the last seven months.

Everything changes

When you’re deep in the throes of love, you might be totally unaware that it is most likely impermanent, but trust me, it is. I probably sound really jaded, but even if you stay with that person forever, parts of your relationship will definitely change.

As sad as that may seem, it’s pretty reassuring to realise that when you are on the other side of a break up. That crushing feeling you get when you wake up every day will fade eventually, and that is a guarantee. The urge to text/call/email/skype/stalk your ex will also fade (thank god) and you will eventually be able to go more than ten minutes without thinking about them.

These changes don’t come about through force, or really by any conscious action, but just through life continuing. When you have a job, or are doing a degree, you pretty much have to crack on with life, and although this can be pretty brutal when you’re heartbroken, it does kind of help you to start moving on.

Single

You realise you are your own biggest support

Friends are great and an integral part of any support network, but there’s only so much they can do. That goes for family as well. At the end of the day, the only person you can always rely on is yourself, and never is this more clear than after you break up with someone. It’s weird going from having someone who is there, to just having yourself, but you will 100% learn to love it. It’s genuinely the best thing ever being able to do exactly what you want when you want and not having to worry if your boyfriend is going to get annoyed that you watched two episodes of Narcos without him.

It is okay to let yourself feel sad

When I feel shit, I often find myself trying really hard to be happy. What I’ve learned, is that this isn’t always the best thing to do. Sometimes, you have to just feel sad, and that’s okay.

It definitely doesn’t feel nice, but it is probably the best way to process emotions. If you push them away, they’re going to come back to bite you at some point, which is definitely not healthy. You have to feel the emotions until one day, you won’t feel them anymore. That’s a guarantee.

To anyone reading this right now who is going through a breakup, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I promise that it will get better. Sometimes it feels like you will never be the same again, and in some ways you won’t (these things change you), but you will get back to yourself, in one way or another.

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