An Expert's Guide To Procrastination

By Parisa Hashempour | Monday 20th March, 2017

Exam season is rolling back around and instead of doing your revision (like you know you really should), no doubt you’ll be employing at least one of the following procrastination techniques mastered by university students across the country. If you’re looking for a few pointers, here are an expert’s tips for procrastinating.

#1 Making cups of tea

You will be the King of making tea by the time it reaches your exam date. It doesn’t matter that you’ve literally just finished your last cuppa. You know the second you can see the bottom of your mug you’ll be running around your flat checking up on your housemates and finding out who else is in need of a stress-busting builders brew. Tea, anyone?

#2 Cleaning your room

Never before has it occurred to you to wipe down your mirror, skirting boards and even light switch but all of a sudden your hygiene levels are so top notch you’d get a thumbs up from Kim and Aggie from How Clean Is Your House? Not to mention you’ve also realised that the feng shui in your room is totally wrong. It just doesn’t feel right, you know? So you’ll spend the next half of the day moving your room around. As they say, a tidy room is a tidy mind and who can revise with a messy mind?

#3 Baking a cake

The closest you’ve come to rustling up a victoria sponge is living vicariously through the contestants of *Great British Bake Off. *But before you can possibly sit down and make mind maps, you just have to make that chocolate red velvet cake you’ve always dreamed of making. Of course, this will involve spending a couple of hours choosing the perfect recipe, shopping for the ingredients and coming home to make it. And if you don’t get much revision done, at least you’ll win a few friends.

#4 Online shopping

If there was ever a time to blow your student loan, it’s now. By the time your exam day rolls round you will know the entire contents of ASOS inside out. It’s far too tempting to spend hours pouring over the perfect holiday outfit (not that you even have a holiday booked yet), followed by the decision to buy every single item so that you can try them all on. What are overdrafts for if not indulging in a little therapeutic pre-exam shopping spree? (If you’re struggling to manage your money though, because you can’t not buy everything on ASOS, maybe Loot can help. Check out the app here.)

#5 Starting a new TV series

Now is exactly the right time to start watching that TV series you’ve been meaning to start for ages. And when you’ve finished all eight seasons it’s probably a good time to re-watch Lost. You did always say you’d go back to it someday. And you know how you always said you’d never watch Cowspiracy? The thought of a day revising might just be enough to coax you into watching animals suffering – plus, it’s educational, so it’s *almost *like you’re revising.

#6 Mindless Facebook scrolling

Come on you little zombie, you knew that it would be on this list. Ten cat videos, five *Independent *articles and one Daily Mail comments-war later and you click back onto your uni work. You can’t help but scratch the itch; before you know it you’re back on Facebook and the next time you look up from your screen it’s gone dark outside.

#7 Stalking Admit it.

Now is the time of year that you will spend hours clicking through photo after photo of people you hardly know. You had no interest in finding out what that girl you met in the club toilets in freshers week is up to until you had some revision to do. And you only realise you’ve got a problem when three hours later you’re somehow looking at the Facebook profile of some friendly-faced lady in the Phillipines that you have no mutual friends with.

#8 Eating your bodyweight in food

You’ll get up from your desk, walk to the fridge and stare at it for about 30 seconds, nibble on the first thing you see, walk back to your desk and sit down again – only to repeat the whole process ten minutes later. Exam time is the perfect excuse to binge eat a whole pack of Jaffa Cakes followed by a whole bag of sweet chilli Sensations and then text your friends declaring that you all need to order revision Dominoes to keep you sane. After all, exercising your mind burns calories and you wouldn’t want to malnourish yourself.

#9 Joining the gym

You’ve had a gym membership all term but you can count the amount of times you’ve been on one hand. But the days are getting lighter, spring is setting in, plus you’re eating enough to feed the 5000 so maybe this is the perfect time to get back into fitness. You contemplate reading your notes on the elliptical but decide against it as you’re prone to motion sickness.

#10 Impromptu nights out

You should not be drinking right now. You should not be hungover right now. But one more night out couldn’t hurt, right? After all, the closer and closer it gets to exams the more boring you’ll have to be – you deserve this little bit of fun with all that hard work you’re doing. And the nearness of the end of term is making you even more aware of the fact that your days as a student are numbered, so it’s crucial that you bravely embark on every night out that is thrown your way. Plus, that leftover voddy on top of the fridge isn’t going to drink itself (who does that belong to anyway?).

If you need another way to avoid doing any work, why don’t you check out Loothere. It’s quick, free and can help you budget and put money aside so that after your exams, you can let your hair down. FREEDOM.